How are you affected by the opinions of others?

January 31, 2025
12:30 PM

A person once asked me, "Would you still want to achieve the same goals if no one knew about it? How much of what others think about you affects how you manage yourself and live your life? What would your life look like if you didn't need the approval of others?"

My initial reaction to these questions was to look down on myself because I thought seeking others' approval meant I was being inauthentic to myself. I also viewed others as being inauthentic when they sought my approval. I saw it as a sign of weakness rather than strength.

However, in my growth, I realized it's in the nature of wanting to help others to seek their approval. Was it considered help if others didn't acknowledge your contribution to their life? What if they didn't need, want, or appreciate your contribution? It seemed others' feedback was necessary to refine how I helped them or identify how to improve myself to help them later.

When I thought about the people I most respected and admired, they designed more of their lives around the approval of others than anyone else I knew. They worked to become who they needed to be for their family, company, and community. They didn't try to change others for themselves, but they allowed their love for others to shape who they were.

This was the kind of person I wanted to become in my own life. However, where it used to turn south was when I became attached to others' approval. I wasn't hoping to receive their opinions to learn how I could help them, but depending on their opinions to disprove the insecurities I believed about myself. I stopped trying to contribute to others from a place of love, but was trying to be validated in a place of fear.

What I've learned to do since then isn't to stop seeking approval, but to do it for the right reasons. I sought others' opinions as feedback to gain new insights on how to keep growing rather than as rejection which only made me more insecure about myself. I gave myself the validation I desperately sought from others and learned to let go of the underlying expectation for others to respond a certain way to everything I did.

If this is something you're struggling with today, begin by exploring within your own experience what you hope to gain from a specific person's approval. It could be your parents, your teachers, or your friends. Would you still want to achieve the same goals if they didn't care about it? How much do their opinions affect how you manage yourself and live your life? What would your life look like if you didn't need their approval?

Chris
2:39 AM